m4b3l's story

thanks all my besties

2012-02-11T12:28:00.003+08:00

really appreciated even is just a simple dinner.
thanks for the pressies.

hmmmmmm....

curious about my life lately........

kekekeke......

2012-02-07T02:02:00.001+08:00

happy 25th birthday to myself

5 years to 30 o my gosh!! arghz

whats wrong with me? =,(

2012-02-05T22:41:00.001+08:00

I really miss him. I miss him surprising me with those fire works sticks at east coast park on my birthday. I miss him making an extra effort to make me extra happy on my birthday every time.

every thought he make wasn't spell out by his mouth but actions proven.

he is someone not expressive about his feelings. I loved the way he is. his action was true when even he tried to hide his feelings away from me.

last year wasn't a happy birthday celebration, I dint get to blow the candles.

I am very very :(

2012-01-31T23:17:00.001+08:00

it can be annoying when who you also don wana meet!

it cant be change. if you spell out read my mind and heart. you don't understand. never ever.

lately I'm short fuse.

fire in the body.

2012-01-31T22:58:00.001+08:00

unwell. too heaty over the cny. I seriously not feeling well again.

new job scope so far so good but pros and cons. nobody come and disturb I will be very thankful.

2012-01-30T23:39:00.001+08:00

it's annoying. when you cured 2 pimples and break out 5. I think it's karma I always laugh at people in my secondary days or I should say teenagers years my face was free of blemishes. lately I been taking care well eating good, having good rest. well done it became worsen. what's wrong? could it be mid 20s hormones changes?

hmmm lately I got no energy to stay up late. I will fall asleep very early. old.

get to know random guys at a new work place. work has new challenges.

since I can't get the chalet and hotel what shall I do for birthday? sad le. anyway it's not important.

nothing to look forward but except the bkk trip on march.

2012-01-27T00:09:00.001+08:00

misses. hurts. tears. who knows I know? anger?! do I.

attitude

2012-01-26T23:26:00.001+08:00

my 24+ years I don't have problem with my friends. I won't anyhow curse scold vulgar flare up to my friends. but if I really do, don't you think that's something wrong with the other party. seriously I'm pretty annoyed. last year I just learn to hate someone and really use my heart to curse her died. but I'm a forgiving person and forget that matter already. and for that CHU 3 incident I'm really fed up! is not the first time and umpteen times hes like that I believe chao ah gua all behave this way. no wonder he got not much friends. I really pity him. at first we were really good till he took people for granted. he disappoint his family and friends time and time again. he really indeed make me annoyed till the max! her sister was my buddy. I never really give her face when I scold him chao ah gua! cuz I told her before it's me between her brother. so I hope she won't be offended. I'm really pissed. to everyone in office too he can't to get well with other colleagues too, so do you think whose fault is it? why would people wana backstab you and Bao To you every time. your just worse than shit. er Xin TTM

2012-01-22T04:39:00.001+08:00

last min met up with nes to prawn. then Liyi deliver tou huay. it wasnt that boring, pretty much catch. I think the laughter we had among us is very different from other friends. I don't know how to explain here. but we can laugh at the slightest Thingy and we are very good of making fun of people laugh like hell. so bad right. maybe its the childishness laughter. yeah it's only those evil of us jambel will do that but not the dots.

no cny feels yet for now. lol. maybe to me it's an occasion to gather with friends to gamble, eat eat eat. and steamboat everywhere. that's all.

hmm please I don't want any 桃花. you know it's always a sway thing to have. especially a bad one. but Iately it slowly coming again.

o man just to tell people don't try to bloody matchmake introduce people. I really hate it to TTM. when you thought it's only both of them suddenly it pop out another one person. when you inform it's fine, I'm not those anti social. at least it's respect right.

it's almost 5am. my mummy already start cooking, how to sleep???

anonymous

2012-01-18T02:22:00.001+08:00

I came across a guy on fb. I realized he just add girls only whom name is mabel lee and he added me. I'm thinking he's stalking someone. i dint approve when I saw in my mobile and then when I log in using pc I approve cux I'm curious. he name himself as some weird name also. I believe not real name too. who could it be? weird

2012-01-16T23:27:00.001+08:00

the emo-ness surrounded me lately. especially night. misses

hopefully I am able to get the MBS room for my bday.
lol I really wished I could enjoy my life till old and don't need to work.
yeah that's me. I got no ambition.

I sneak out to club keke. on a weekday night with someone. with wind blowing against your face and super fast ride. shiok and thrill. isn't it cool huh?

knowing someone is out for sex? will you take the offer of cuz girls gotta protect yourself. don't you feel odd when you don't have feeling for the guy? ONS is two willing parties right. why do girls always go around telling people why ya hurt fool by a guy. come on nobody ask you to open your leg to be fucked?

people got to close your door. and not asking or inviting trouble when you yourself know is a loop there. IT TAKEs TWO HANDS TO CLAP. a guy can be a bastard, but girls can be a slut if you give them a chance to hurt you and go around complaining he's a bad guy. if your willing party then keep your mouth shut.

I not manipulated by anyone. please get lost. I'm not obligated to help you as and when you like.

2012-01-11T22:28:00.001+08:00

shopping for consecutive four days since saturday till tuesday. no joke man my legs hurts ESP knee cap part. and the ankle. gosh suan tong! not only my leg hurts but my pocket hurts too. madness shopping! but it seems doesn't work much for me psychologically. anyway my clothes and shoes I'm having right I can last for a year or two. keke.
the satisfactory was I got for myself two BeBe tops keke. I love it.

hai my menses is such a drag. I can't do anything to stop the pain every month but just can't drink cold drinks. suck big time again. I vomited in office due to the cramps. arghz I hate it. I need drug to control it every month. it really suck to the core when those pills could only be taken at home. damn! cux I will be very drowsy and sleepy. it's hurts till I wana shout!!!

I doubt I could go suntaning myself coming weekends. look at the weather again this week no sun le, then rain abit. idiot when I busy the sun is so glaring and strong. will see hw ba. I not pathetic to go suntan myself right. plus my menses just came. hate it TTM!

tonight I can rest early. let's hope I will keep mind clear so that I can sleep well. though... good night. :( please be happy again soon please!!

happiness to him

2012-01-11T01:07:00.001+08:00

I just gave all my blessings to him.

deep down in my heart is a open wound. once in a while I happen to click on those photos we took I try not to be affected when I see them. learning to let go doesn't mean escaping. and not seeing anything that is related to him.

nobody would know that kinda remaining silent after a long time. it's my loudest cry ever.

wishing you were here but I can't have him anymore. I love you

misses

2012-01-10T01:58:00.001+08:00

I do kinda miss him but everytime I think of him. I will thought of something bad he did, he went on a holiday with Ahxue to her hometown. every time I walk pass by some Vietnam girls I feel freaking angry. he treated me like shit, why do I think of him still?

i won't purposely forget him. the more i do that, the harder I can totally let down. prolly he don't even want to remember me!

it's been awhile I drop my tears. =(

2012-01-06T02:49:00.001+08:00

supposed to met Allan for lunch but with my ugly hair, break out face and badly dress and I turned him down.

I went to met silly for dinner just now. my thought are very neutral. I am open minded, just hope she isn't hurt. :) in rs nobody is right or wrong.

like many things happen today.
just hung up the call with fatty choo. anyway as a friend I hope he will be mature enough to have the music.

quarrelled with my friend again as usual because of some issue. nowadays I became more objectives. I see no point in arguing if I think that person only wants to win. so I would jus rudely jus blood hang up. find quarrel go else where. or talk to me you jus wan a apologize or wan to win come straight to the point?!

lastly a debating in my fb wall with jason Jee and Jj. talking about inflation economy and stupid property?!

OMg is so late I still can't sleep! wth.

2012-01-03T01:40:00.001+08:00

every time I feel lonely, I will think of my friends that I'm being loved actually. thanks god I got friends around.

haha today went amk to meet Jj and Liyi. guess what heard a familiar voice Mabel calling me saw kiat and cf first at a particular shop. then again walk around the shop another time heard "eeeh mabel" lol it was ah wai and his gf. so coincidently. ah wai said we gathering isit in that shop. wahaha we were all from the same class in sec 5. well it is amk so no surprise bumming into ex classmates.

I want to bum around. if I got the Money I will! recently the weather looks very good for tanning, I wana go sentosa but no kakis.

erm i feel very irritated by him. not convenient to reveal his name. sometimes his actions and words. mayb cause of that incident. when he told me he wana go tan also, or gei gei trying to ask me also when huh. I feel very fan kan. when i post i wana go tan. the next minute i saw him post on fb any pools open on a ph? i wana tann. and he got the cheek to say 'you like me isit why like keep stalking me' cause I am siting right behind me only its natural if I'm really looking at him but not purposely. pui!!! please er Xin to the max!!! really suspect is he a bi. he's a gay already made me feel very disgusted Liao. maybe I'm facing kinda every day also. very fan kan.

aiyoyo I sleep too much again. can't sleep now.

25

2012-01-01T03:00:00.001+08:00

2012 what am I looking forward to? 23 days to cny. 38 days to 25. I dono how to tell you how I feel, reluctant to accept I'm actually mid 20s omgosh!

I will work hard at least not to rely on anyone. 2011 was a very bad year for me, I'm thankful I survive through it. 2012 please be a good one :) thanks for the awesome friends that still with me.

lol was talking to nes, hw if we 30 years old still alone. like those old hag never get marry people don't like. hmm, we got each other at least a bunch of good friends. dont worry that your alone. I am at the peck of all my besties. <3 you people.

my wish. I really gonna think hard and achieve it.

I believe each difficulties and wrong path I went through I emerge stronger.

2011-12-29T02:07:00.001+08:00

I guess I'm getting very use to singlehood. i was way to vulnerable in the past. my friends out there please dont be too dependent on ya guy be it emotionally or physically.

though i may miss the feeling of having someone by my side. which I always have and took for granted. the last thing I will do is to abandon my friends. I would never do that when I'm attach. like some people out there when they will like he or she got bf or gf. they will just Mia and then when they got out of love they come back to you. really deprive on them.

I don look forward to find a bf and get settle. instead a companion. neither I have that thought of getting marry. rather depressing. let me grow not too old and die, don let me suffer from illness. which I think or rather predict I will definitely suffer and die.

I guess nobody could touch my heart at least for now. I swore I really knew and see 不少贱男人seriously. but each time why do I still dig my grave and die in their hands.

how sad and pessimistic I can to actually don't believe theres someone really very faithful out there. bull shit. extinct already.

gonna turn in. every night I'm freaking tired.

2011-12-28T00:40:00.001+08:00

I'm loving this Xmas!

what's your definition towards 贱男人？I mean to me if your single, no string attach with anyone, you flirt fling around and have sex is totally fine with me. unless you got gf, wife.

I admire people that had got that charisma could play around. but how years down the road can you play?

I just had a chat with g. he told me he was on leave for 2 weeks clear leave and wanted to stay away from alcohol. I laugh like mad, a person whom drink and party everyday get tired of of drinking?! and Mon just went to Windsor. what a joke. I knew quite a few addicted to alcohol, 酒毒太深！alcohol runs in the blood.

wahaha. how to achieve that charisma? worn off. good night

live life at the moment, no regrets

2011-12-26T03:03:00.001+08:00

back from supper. this festive season gona fat die me.

It's a special Xmas this year, Im happy and enjoyed myself. congratz to my lovely that she gave birth to a Xmas baby girl. baby shanice was the name I given to her. =D welcome baby shanice to the world!

hmm sometimes looking at yixin pictures could also make my day. can't stand the cuteness of her. my dear Jj you did a good job of being a young mummy.

I dono just could feel the joy around me. tonight I rested at home except gone out awhile just now.

I had sent an SMS to him just now, it's a link of a song. because of you. nothing else more. had not been contacting him ever since. I think i am brave this time, very brave. my smile, my laughter wasn't faking. I am happy. at times when it's alone I do feel hurt but it's human.

neither I can forget him, I know I can't. just had to let it be the past. Silly was just asking when we met up for gift exchange she asked me "still waiting?!" of cause no. for a moment I paused. lol

I am not looking for boyfriend instead I just need an companion. like many males out there looking for companionship. good wor in a way I don't invest my feeling. companionship could easily find for me. pardon me I know I'm open minded. I have a very pessimistic thinking towards marriage.

bio sexual?! lol isn't a bad idea either if one day I am one will you be surprise? wahaha.

f.r.i.e.n.d

2011-12-23T00:53:00.001+08:00

well I had make a few awesome friends at work. life can be very miserable sometimes at work, they will just make your day.

I smile when I pass the xmas gift to serene. yup it's the past 算了算了ba! one friend than a enemy. sometimes I may be angry but it's just a short while. like fei always said I very kind and forgiving. he said not everyone including him is forgiving he's not like me can forgive me easily.

how many friends are sincere? maybe sometimes I am very naive or stupid I treat everyone equally. I 100% trust that people won't hurt me or harm me. very naive hur. your good to me, I will return it back to ya too.

having many awesome friends in my life is great! though I am rather lonely lately, I do need a partner. BUT hais. haha.

so cheers to my life now that I could fling flirt around. I have not seen enough bad guys, please more to come! lol

I'm all by myself now

2011-12-21T00:27:00.001+08:00

I want to go Maldives really much beautiful beaches actually anywhere that's has nice beaches will do. like Phuket I went this year, really nice blue sea and cliffs. maybe Bali next stop hmmm where G mention.

lol I must clear my debts to nes first. hee

next year will be 25, maybe I want to make a big celebration? should I? for the past few years I had fei with me only. o mine I start to tear. know why when I was with Ahber he had never been there for my birthday anniversary valentines festive seasons so I am rather contented when fei was just there even a simple dinner and outing.

every year I pass seen tougher more challenges but people have to grow up. I wish I never grow up seriously.

hmmm I have so many wants to buy and wish but got no money to accomplish. wahaha! a unique watch, branded bag, holiday, necklaces, a diamond ring, ear rings.

Everytime when I'm down I will like to cut my hair. though hao bu rong Yi first time I kept so long. it was for him. I cut it to feel refresh and let it grow all over again. I look better in longer hair though but still great in short hair. wahaha regret cutting but nvm! :) anyway short hair is me
ma!

2011-12-20T01:47:00.001+08:00

I got no idea.
may I just rest for my whole life.
the Mabel is still the same.

maybe I can just play around.
I do find it interesting. I'm a bad girl.

2011-12-19T01:07:00.001+08:00

thank you for that late night Tim sum!

very very tiring day.
I saw someone at ion while waiting for them outside daiso. he came down from escalator staring at me. and I pretend I dint see him it was Andy. oo there was some story, mayb or not was with him when I'm 18? then I won't want to say hi.

2011-12-18T04:05:00.001+08:00

lately everything screw up! my health everything. and met some fucked up people. I used my whole life to curse! fuck it. waiting for me to burst will be the day I'm not there. nnbccb slut I can say.

being a stupid to trust him, disappointment. I hope my dear friends please don mention him anymore. thank you it will be appreciated. it's dying inside me but. too much hurt from love, made me numbed! I will love myself more.

so please god let me have a nice smooth year ahead. I will want to travel more which mean holidays yeah with all my madness besties.

having alot of friends.
erm towards some friends I think I will sooner get rid of my list. is just words to describe 利用 in their dictionary. what do I call friends. I dont really wana mention them out. shake head. am I too kind to all?

thanks bin whom been accompanying me for dinner and jac been advising me. and all my besties gfs we might not meet often I know they are there. many to be name, when they knew something screw up for me I received messages and calls I feel loved. like this what I called friend when we suan each other and poke fun on. we cared, my dear Liyi always had lot of comment on me though. popping up how are you now, make me feel sweet. kok mei someone can rely on, one of my going out kaki. what's app could bring us so close where bren is always away from us, sometimes it will make my day by just looking at the conversation with jambel. and the dots.

I just I can rest awhile then will look for a job. no disturbance from anyone. simple will be good. (=

2011-11-24T00:41:00.001+08:00

GAME OVER!

this blog is for you

2011-11-13T03:22:00.001+08:00

feifei can I honestly asked you did you touch any girls or in contact with them?

if so god please let me see it can please.

I love him alot. I just wana love you forever in my heart.

2011-10-31T23:25:00.001+08:00

I make him really angry again. I am
unhappy whenever hes angry with me. can he wait for me?

2011-10-24T23:58:00.001+08:00

Im hurt cause you look down on me.

2011-10-11T23:55:00.001+08:00

now that I control myself, I hope he understand my 苦心.

I feel I am so unpredictable. can you hold me tight again. I am not standing firm and strong here anymore.

work is tiring, I am so lethargic everyday.

if you aint feeling anything your heart is dead and you heart already left me not giving me any chance.
if you couldn't see anything perhaps ya blind.
if your seeing someone, I'm really junk to you in your eyes.

I miss Phuket, very very sweet escape you held my hand tightly.

little actions you did, sweeten my heart.

3 years soon

2011-10-10T23:50:00.001+08:00

very soon, it's scary.
maybe a really deadline this time? within four months, how can I improve? is he willing to wait?

I am very willing to improve this relationship. can he open his arms and heart again?

I dont to be a lost war. I got the courage to face if I lose to someone .

2011-10-08T04:40:00.001+08:00

the pain is keeping too long. quiet walk away again, and not turning back?

ask him for a clarity which I already knew the answer?

nothing to be the last time.
I really need to stop myself le. no matter it is if I left you or stay on like that. my feelings are real.

simple

2011-10-05T23:30:00.001+08:00

feifei feel like talking to you but tonight rather emotional.

why as people grow older things human being get complicated. maybe be like you loner stay at home better. having alot friends doesn't mean better. you will be implicated, you will invite unwanted trouble. everybody see things at different level that's why I disagree with what Jacinth said that day.

did I do something wrong today? I am so upset with myself and "those people".

feifei can you just talk to me give me advice. I need you very much right now. a piece of advice and a listener.

maybe I shall be quiet tonight.

shouldn't give myself hope, otherwise disappointed. I just wana go out with baby happily. why am I deceiving myself.

2011-10-04T23:23:00.001+08:00

fei I got alot to tell you. you will think not again ba.

right now is it too late for everything? I dono how is your work and life are. who are you associating with? did you go out with anyone. i am just preparing myself to get ready to accept the fact your seeing someone.

I am being very sincere. I regretted what I done. hoping you will see the little in me and care from you. each time I talk to you on phone I became speechless dono what to say. things I wana said I cant spell it in the phone. I become very cautious with my words.

I know you really hate me. I am jus 自做多情。really hate me to the core I had terrible nightmare about you treat me badly.

can you tell me am I worth waiting?

2011-10-04T00:24:00.001+08:00

should I really put a full stop for real?

did I try my best? or should i arrange a final talk with him, he still think room for improvement?

shall just move on don care about him? I love you so much. which I keep thinking maybe I'm previous life owe you alot. I do care alot for him.

my heart is heavy.

2011-10-03T01:23:00.001+08:00

did he ever slept with anyone so far? I really discourage. I feel sad but if it real he did I will be hurt and I will accept it.

should I really accept Allan? and "use" him to forget feifei.

I don understand anymore. I not sure, I wana be with fei so so much and I'm really discourage now. my womb is still not recover.

I wanted someone to pamper and sayang me. not a person who don even care about a single shit about my life. I am very lonely.

2011-10-01T02:08:00.001+08:00

I cry secretly now. I feel rather emotional recently. my life is becoming so stagnant nothing interesting. everytime I call feifei, my mood was very high it brought down by 15 level. I am sad not able to satisfied him. see me smiling am I really happy with my life? I just came back from a getaway. why do I feel this way.

the biggest regret in my life.

get drunk every night. stay night life? which I don really love alcohol.

I just want a simple life, why can't it be granted. I wana be with you.

2011-09-19T00:56:00.001+08:00

I had many nightmares of fei recently. maybe I think too much, or the hurt was too much even I could see and feel in my dream. why sleeping is the only way to not miss him but I had horrible dream of him leaving and with another.

睡觉也不放过我。

well he is so cold, I hate it. he hurts me alot. I really try trying and maybe tried.

I miss you <3

2011-09-13T00:44:00.001+08:00

I dono whether I really love fei very much anot, but as much I willing to.

i met up with gene just now, he said I slim down. haha people whom very long never see me will say I slim down but I dint really. nothing much chilling out at frenzie bistro, he still the same loves to party, a potato ahbeng. went to Labrador watch the moon.

I'm just being random. not saying anyone really thanks to my ex bf ahber I get to know and see alot COMPLICATED people. it's not very surface of what you see really. human being is very scary. any of my dear friends who read this it's not my life that is complicated. I feel you people have yet to see many scary people in this society.

hmmm well am tired. good night. I hope he's alright. 气消了。hais

2011-09-12T01:33:00.001+08:00

a angry person can scold or hit anyone cuz he or she is angry?

I am shameless.

isit I'm immune?

I'm lonely.

I don't want to be an old bitch.

it doesn't matter who I sleep with or how many ppl I sleep with. cuz I'm shameless.

the impact is as much to kill me.

can't remember how to scold and critisize if I have a bf. cuz I know the hurt now.

这条路很难走。
I am afraid le.

he can't see it de cuz I'm still not up to it.

i just need to force myself to do it to change.

to show the world I can.

he wants. what I wants isnt important

2011-09-07T01:07:00.002+08:00

totally understand what he wants and looking for. why do I care so much for a person whom doesn't even bother to text and reply my text. I am childish and immature. till then I really understand him well now, but does he understand me? he is too swallow to see anything inside me. everything was just so surface. rather disappointing, the way he thinks of me. I couldn't admit I loves to cry, what's wrong with that? you only had your point of view, have you ever sit down and think what I said and done? it isn't about insisting for this relationship, I won't want to live in regret in my life. take it that I'm naive stupid childish and brainless. this is what you always think about me. You can't see I try I best, touch your heart had I put in effort? when something bad really happen, you can't put the blame all on me. your still angry with me and hate me. it all take two hands to clap. you see and look inside of me, why not you look outside picture of me? your so selfish, you want to see I change but you can't commit. I can change without any complain and won't even feel tired of it.
you are just so shallow and judge-mental.
I might be sophisticated, you might not know.

another thought...

2011-09-05T02:54:00.001+08:00

how? worth the gamble but be prepare to lost again? god bless me please, you heard my prayer? lucky stars I need you, come to me.

I'm damn seriously unwell and can't get to sleep now. imagine I got five ulcers in my mouth and sore throat. after drinking that night my right thumb I can feel numbness and right arm in pain. fever and flu. arghz. pei cek those ulcers make me no appetite to eat cuz is painful when I eat!

2011-09-03T02:52:00.001+08:00

I'm very broke even though I just drawn my salary.

how do I express my feeling now? so much to say but speechless.

I might freak out my dear friends at k box last night cuz I hadnt cry like that in front of anyone before. probably it's keeping me inside for too long and finally release. but im not drunk.

live up to fate to decide?
I'm sorry baby, Im not there to spend ya special day with you. where I usually does. slog work like hell even it's his day.

he's not as bad as you people think.

happy 29th birthday fat baby!
I hope your work stress lessen and be relieve. your skin won't always give you problem. and find someone he appreciate.

I may not be happy. but I am sure he is happy without me. he can selfishly be happy I don mind. don't said I silly stupid. anybody would do it. cuz your not in the picture. worth it or not I don't know.

good night world.

第三十九天没有你的的日子

2011-08-27T04:49:00.001+08:00

it's 3am, he just ended fishing?

Allan came pick me for lunch.
I'm emo today after brewerkz with huiyun and Bao, I went strolling at raffles place myself. I didn't want to reach home early.

I'm freaking pissed off with Liang. childish freak. I got own friends also, I need to meet them. if you keep thinking I'm making use of your then I'm really sorry. there are alot times I put my friend aeroplane came to meet your. good things ppl won't see it, only bad things. from today onwards I don't need any treats from him. I'm fucking angry.

glam glam

2011-08-26T16:59:00.001+08:00

he drove z10.
he wore a Burberry shirt with G star jeans. nice perfumes from Armani exchange.
on his right wrist was a very glaring Omega watch,i dono what model.
to his foot, he wore a pair of Gucci shoes.
he carried a LV wallet.
from top to toe its over $10k.
he shown me his back cool tattoo and very bling ring on the ear.
he is only 26.
he is 179 tall, weigh roughly around 77kg.

this person definitely compliments you if your materialistic.

but wait a min which girl is not materialistic in sg?

im seriously not attractted to him.
but i enjoyed and find him damn interesting.
why not pass your time with such person. it kills your time.
you may find something interesting how a rich idiot presenting himself and be a gentleman.

2011-08-26T01:08:00.001+08:00

thanks for the sweet cute email appreciate it lights me out abit :)

life still goes on, I miss you and still I'll move on.
baby a few months later, will you still be available for me? or are you embracing another girl already

i wana go jb le but I scare the bloody queue like the other time. I wana go massage badly haha and also nobody would want to travel. unless I approached Allan. or tag along with jasmine and edwin feel so extra when is like that.

when you doesn't need love, it comes to you. when you need love the most, it left you.

hope your work had been tone down abit, lesser stress. <3 loves night

zzzz

2011-08-25T02:32:00.001+08:00

睡不着！
希望你在这里，我想你。

zZZZ

2011-08-22T23:58:00.001+08:00

recently I tends to sleep alot. when on the way to work, half an hour before work start, in between working hours I slept a few times and travel back. finally when reached home nap awhile before I get all my stuffs done. why?

maybe other than sleeping is the only way I don't think so much.

I'm a piggy loves sleeping. but but but I also binge abit here and there too, I control abit.

i still remember he said will accompany me to eat suki sushi and asked me to wait we will go watch transformer de. he still own me a tortoise. does he still remember?

I wants to cuddle with him now! I miss you so much!

:( whenever I see those Vietnam china Thai girls wearing very sluty kinda working at those places I get very pissed and digusted. or even when I visited those places with my guy friends. it is so er Xin TTM!!! he visit these places too I can totally imagine him like how those guys and friends did in there, he is also doing the same thing. 男人都是贱。

但是黄伟德我还是很想你。one month had passed no news from you. in train or station will always keep a look out maybe I will bump into you like the other time. let me have just a glimpse of you. it will be kind enough for me. 是不是傻？

:,( I love you. good night my dear fat baby

无奈。的想念他。

2011-08-22T00:50:00.001+08:00

coming week there's two ph! hais can I overcome it?

time passing very fast, 25 next year omy I can't believe I'm 24. I don want to be old! friends around me getting married, giving birth taking care of children.
aging, trying to 保养美美的now. will try to be slimmer before 25. when a woman reach 25 it's very hard to slim down.

I'm really scare to be in love. no more.
nothing could vent all my emotions.
cj7 is the closest link from him. IMY
good night baby

its 21st today =(

2011-08-21T12:35:00.002+08:00

its baby again, dreamt of something very impossible that he will do.

I really freaking freaking miss him!!!!!!!!!!
the moment i wake up the images all him.
I still remember everything.

it's a Sunday hate TTM!!! ;(

feifei :)

2011-08-19T02:06:00.001+08:00

I'm deprived on sleep!

why am I thinking of that glimpse of hope, where long ago I already know it's impossible?
nothing I wish but just everything is good for him. hope he wont be alone and found the girl he appreciate.
fat baby you know, I M Y alot fei.
I am doing good, it's only when im lonely I tear cuz I miss you.

the most silliest girl in the earth. I L Y.

maybe your just happily leading your life now. :)

2011-08-18T01:57:00.001+08:00

I hadn't been reaching home before 8pm almost a month. and I hadnt been doing therapy.

bathe, hair cream for repair. trim abit eyebrow. pimple gel apply follow by night cream for face and lighten dark circle.
slimming tea before heading to room.
lighten dark spot for my COINs leg 5 cents 10 cents :( lastly moisturizer on body. this is what I do normally everyday but then imagine I hardly do ten times for this recent month cuz I'm returning late every single night or never go home at all.

after tonight I will have time for all these beauty therapy. I can do eye mask and face mask everyday. my face is really bad cuz had been sleeping damn late. if you realized my post most of it is after 1am.

I drank the win tea everyday after meal hehehe it's seriously torturing but worth it. keke. I lao sai till I feel my intestine is bad.

am thinking what can I do on friday night hate TTM. Saturday with my peeps but at night zzz dono. Sunday is the worst! I feel like going jb for massage shopping and eat. need a good massage badly. G spa sounds good but expensive lo! haiz

good night baby, we are under the same sky.

loves & misses D:

2011-08-17T11:22:00.001+08:00

i dreamt of him last night so real but its just a dream.
probably i missed him too much.

2011-08-17T02:23:00.001+08:00

thanks my dear friend. Jacinth
lately I feel I'm relying on her much, had never rely on a friend so much before. I feel kinda sad when at the airport. she is the one encouraging me etc. if I'm financially stable I will fly to Melbourne too and stay for long. hopefully I come back from hongkong I work harder clear my debts and I can go over. lately I always thought of leaving Singapore and not come back for long.

I want to see the world outside. leaving this sad place and people here. seriously will work very hard to achieve it very soon. like before this year.

what will happened next? felt my life is kinda happening. I bet thing will be slowing down again. I go out like siao char bor every night, I just don freaking feel like explaining why.

I'm a slut.
you can see me going out with different guy or what so ever I dont care what people comment and says. my heart will only have space for him.
I'm really scare of falling in love. no more love in my dictionary. though I still can't stop thinking of him.

fat fat what you doing? :(
good night, hope Jacinth landed safely.

2011-08-15T04:01:00.001+08:00

just ended the chat with LB.
I still can't sleep. 4am
hais.

good days is here soon

baby...

2011-08-15T01:55:00.002+08:00

its a month i didnt contact him at all.
its 2 months i never see him at all.
2 more weeks to his birthday.
the past two years i was with him.he dont celebrate with friends but just a family dinner thats all. this year probably with someone new, maybe i dont know.
should i get him something but then....
i think i given him the biggest present already to him isnt it? *stop disturbing him.
the last heard from him was that accidental call from him.

if your reading.
baby i hope your happier than before =)
hope you got no migraine and your skin condition is better. no toothache.

someone i love so deeply.
i miss you

2011-08-12T02:03:00.001+08:00

indescribable feeling.
whenever I'm alone thoughts will run wild. can someone tell me everything is alright, cuz you have me by ya side.

I was freaked out.
just now when was on my way home, I was on a double decker bus. there's this Lao ti ko asked what time isit sat next to me. follow by he sat really close to me and there was plenty of available seats around then he asked am I studying or working. I dint respond at all and stare back at him furiously, he walked behind. it wasn't the first time I had met such incident. it's several time. I dint wear anything revealing.

about yz.
ecp night I got hit by the ball real hard. he almost got into a fight with four bangala. at that moment I'm thinking... does he still care? as a friend or sister ba. i might 亏欠him alot. the feelings had long faded away, he's someone once very familiar to me. that night had a good chat with him on the phone, didn't know he was very unhappy about his life. I thought life was good. and he's entering to another phase of life marriage. he encounter the same situation like us in the past with his gf. TRUST. if turn around is me I will handle it well now. well it's too late..

it's been awhile..
I don't have the courage to contact him anymore.
please let me mention about him.
travelling to work and back home, before sleep. I can't stop myself from missing him. the time alone I cried secretly. I never tell anyone I'm not alright cuz I keep telling myself I'm brave. numbing myself by going out every night till very late and keeping myself occupied it's an antiseptic. can't describe how much I hated weekends and even especially public holiday. when approaching friday is the worst feeling ever. he is really the last person that could hardly understand me and all.

falling in love is just so easy but forgetting takes a life time. I might right here waiting for that miracle. I could even be silly enough to wait here for money to drop.

2011-08-04T01:04:00.001+08:00

我越来越爱美了！hiao.

可能现在的他抱的是另一个女人。但我还是想他。

我真的觉得我变了。

my heart is aching though but I'm strong. thinking of the sweet things and badly treated by him. my tears jus flow profusely.

I just need to be dote.

2011-08-02T08:42:00.001+08:00

I miss you.

2011-08-01T01:48:00.001+08:00

I love someone so much that isn't even worth a tiny bit of my love at all.
I am wondering how is he and did he ever miss me at least a little.

am I doing a right thing? people given me the green light. 看他们的眼神说明了我不可能。我好傻，还好我的定力很好。真的要去争取吗？

这样一个自己的我一定要习惯。

2011-07-29T01:58:00.001+08:00

这种感觉不好！drop the first tear after so long, I'm pmsing too. falling sick, I'm not feeling well tonight.

I afraid of being hurt again.

乱！

2011-07-26T01:28:00.001+08:00

thanks Jacinth Been bothering her much.

arghz confused man! invited unwanted trouble.

2011-07-22T01:15:00.002+08:00

i just watch the 3D r21 Sex and Zen. my friends out there who plan to watch please drop the idea. wahaha you will pui* and curse and swear the whole bloody show. good night all!

开心，快乐

2011-07-14T23:09:00.001+08:00

我自己不开心不要紧，你一定要快快乐乐过每一天！开心一点好吗？=)

under deep love spell

2011-07-14T01:44:00.001+08:00

I had never love someone so much before I swore. maybe is 失去了，才懂的去珍惜吧！
我很努力很努力了，你看到了吗？
真的完了吗？
who can help break the spell.
付出一切不一定会有回报吗？
为什么你这么对我，我还死心塌地的爱你。
每天笑笑的我不是没事，我在逞强一只告诉自己我很勇敢。
希望他快乐就好！

PLAYER

2011-07-13T23:14:00.002+08:00

i met up with an old flame and been closely contact.
i am definitely agree he is a super duper good player.
he is a spoilt brat at the age of 18 he drove wrx.
i knew him when i was 16 and he was 18 then.
after so many years like 6 years i dint see him, he dint change much.
i was late when i came down to the lobby, guess what he was in his white bmw sports coupe.
he said one minute one kiss from me, guess what he called me fling.
i am definitely not impressed by him but i find him interesting instead.
his words were so sincere and sweet to be real. even the waitress he also please.
like walking up the escalator he lead my way after me.
he is very attentive and observant towards people perhaps its all on the outside.
he is up to the potential to be a player. a very good one i seen so far.
in fact when your rich, bees and butterflies will be attracted.
when he make me wait for him to get some stuffs, he keep apologizing.
he told me when you wana find fling when your marry, you must also find the other party which is marry too. so that you can contact each other during office hour and secretly take leave to go out. he added if not whereas you find someone is single he will call or text you late at night, when you were sleeping your spouse will check on you.
anyway i just play along with him, haha kills my boredom texting and receiving sweets reply. a dinner and all will be good nothing else other than this. no emotional or physical commitment.
as i already what kinda person he is.

my LOVES for life

2011-07-07T04:46:00.002+08:00

everything wasnt least of change, the feelings were there. just like our schooling SIAO DAYS slacking at jj house after school. 10 years le, we grow older but look at the madness of our laughter all remain the same. our poor lam always kana bully by us, threw her socks away cuz she hang at the window. wahaha. damn funny. many funny and naughty things we did in school together. though was a short dinner, happy to met up with them. (=

really love them, nothing gonna change even many many years down the road. may our friendship continue to grow.

about him. please be happier. =)

2011-07-03T04:16:00.004+08:00

i think im silly or rather foolish cuz i cried when he told me actually been working so hard. its a saturday he woke up at 7plus am to a site at temasek holding and the night before he was listening to my rants till about 1am. he was at temasek the whole day and reach home at about 6plus pm. and then later part he was called to go down to mbfc marina bay front centre site again to work till 11pm. in the end he went fishing with his friend till then 4am le he haven sleep.

as for him i believe he wake up every morning around 830am to work. and very average he reaches home everyday from work 9pm. when he reach home sometime he still got to do work again like replying customer and follow up etc. ocassionally he might have to work till like the wee hours.

i realised lately his temper is very bad as bad as mine i used to. he threw his temper only at me i think. he is stressed with work. i dono how to relieve his stress but best is not to bother him. i wana cheer him up very much as i use to but he hated me so much now.

i do love him. fei if you are reading, i just wana tell you i miss you and everything we used to do every weekends. i knew and learnt my mistake.

i just hung up the call with him, hope he will have a very good sleep. good night baby.

freedom i found back i used to

2011-06-29T23:14:00.003+08:00

oo tmr is my last day.

suddenly i felt i found my oldself using computer at this hour blogging chatting with friends, like years back i used to be.

i love this feeling in me, not worrying to wake up early and chat with people i nv met.

rather than i going out and return late at night and wear up myself.

its time for some recharge in me. i don wana mention about the bad things.

monday and tuesday i was on urgent leave and not many know why the reason i took.

i wana watch transformer badly! but i think he wont try hard to get the tickets ba like the previous time. i shall not hope for it.

i shouldnt feel so tensed up now. =)

L O V E

2011-06-24T01:11:00.001+08:00

no matter how I try and try I just can't say good bye.

bring back the Mabel please.

知足常乐。

我很想他呀！

the emptiness in me i felt during the trip.

2011-06-20T16:41:00.005+08:00

i wasnt happy though but i tried my best not to be sad and smile =)

nobody was there to carry my luggage for me when im tired.
nobody was there to stay awake till i fall asleep cuz im scare.
nobody was there accompany me to toilet when i bathe.
nobody was there to lend me his shoulder to nap when im sleepy while travelling.
nobody was there to take care of me when i was frightened.

i am so looking forward to go back cuz i didnt call him for a week.
.... yet i wasnt happy at all.
i felt i wasnt appreciated at least a bit. no never.
little efforts could be done to make my day.

seeing my friends around me in pairs make me a little depress sometimes.
i used to have someone by my side 24/7, 2 years had passed maybe this feeling of being single forced me to get use to it. ones does not need anyone to live.

i hate being alone.
i tried to smile at my best, i kept my tears back when im sad.

i am so easily contented.

what did i done wrong from my past life, and im receiving my karma now.

PHUKET pandon me i am rather lazy to write in proper complete english

2011-06-15T23:58:00.001+08:00

08-05-2011
our first day nothing much, busy deciding signing up package for tour at mr marks tour agent. reached hotel we were exhibiting our hotel room and exploring enjoying it. had our 1st meal by the shore at some restaurant. at night we went to their weekend market shopping time. fei bought something unique to place it at his table, a lamp. at first told him so heavy to carry cuz its wooden he did buy in the end. had fun bargaining with them, got tactics one. their markets not only sell clothings, food, etc BUT they sell animal dogs, guinea pig, CROCODILE, lizards. all sorts of weird stuffs. Very mini tiny one. I bought hair strengthener at $4. didn't buy much though. bought a couple tee. after which the person came fetch us back hotel. rested headed down again for super late dinner and body massage. we were dead exhausted.

09-05-2011
2nd day early in the morning had to drag ourselves up for Krabi trip. baby alarm keep ringing, he was the one woke up 1st then he drag me up. we wore the couple tees together at first he asked me to change he said funny wear the same. but I dint never expect we will wear the couple tees together. hee. had our breakfast at hotel, then transport came fetch us. an hour on road to the ferry terminal, then an hour or more by ferry. and NOT yet reach still have to transfer to speed boat to those islands in Krabi. the moment we at the ferry top take off our clothes to suntan take pictures. we visited several island, chicken island, tup island, penis island, pola island and railay beach. dono why whether I got missed out any. penis island was interesting, the cliff mountain looks like a shape of penis, maybe thats why they called it. wahaha. activities done there basically sightseeing, snorkeling, suntan. beautiful cliffs and beaches everywhere. oya they actually used the penis figurine to pray some goddess for fertility. they also believed that if your wish made there came true you might want to offer one penis. the weather wasnt good, it's raining we had to stop activity till the rain stop. I dono why the people there very worried about the rain, dangerous? we were struck in the speedboat to wait for the big ferry like an hour floating on an island and yeah I go sleeping again on his shoulder. I sleep everywhere whenever it's traveling. when returning in the ferry and van I'm pigging again. back to hotel after which we rested awhile bathed headed out quickly for light dinner we had Macs and transport fetch us to watch the Simon Cabernet, "ah gua show" very entertaining and nice but we both find it boring cuz too much dancing. those ah guas are really pretty than a woman. head back went to eat. ZZzZZ.

10-05-2011
third day our plan was phi phi island but but but. due to the bad weather the tour was cancelled, our deposit were refund. i knew fei was pretty disappointed, phi phi island is somewhere when you go phuket must visit. so we woke up rather late, nan de can nua on the comfy bed. hee. i was the one woke up 1st cuz i slept alot and my turn to disturb him. after breakfast we called mr mark for the city tour, they will send to any where and you have to pay him 1000baht. we went to the temple, central market and premier outlet store shopping. at the temple was interesting cuz we got to put fire cracker. wahaha, fei was greedy he bought the biggest box. central market nothing special just a big shopping mall and premier outlet store sell labeled stuffs at cheap price. but not really cheap though, he bought tees and levi jeans. i was empty handed, he said i so fat cant get anything. nothing much, went back rested again headed out for dinner and shop again at patong beach where we stay lo. massage again at the end of the day.

11-05-2011

woke up rather early i forgot the time cuz we are going for the elephant trekking, rafting and terrains. we didnt had enough thai baht with us left so feifei headed out and left me at the hotel eating. i was rather panick cuz the person suppose to pick us at 815am and fei still not back yet. i thought he might lost his way and worried. all the money changer were closed luckily theres this security guard working there bring him to his house to change and we lost 400 baht. we take it that some tips for him lo. the journey travelling on the mini van were tiring, sleeping on his shoulder. he was damn poor thing only manage to get him he ate 3 small muffins and croissant.

elephant trekking were fun and scary but it was really our first time doing many adventurous activties. rafting were rather tiring and dangerous overall it was good. terrains was exciting but seriously cant get a license next time. wahahaha baby was worried about me when he was behind me saw me ridding. hehe. my terrain was strucked in the water actually it was rather dangerous if some big tides came, we might just byebye. but but but nice experience. heehee. travelling back and shopping again. lastly yes massage, a luxury massage we had. =)

12-05-2011

we were to check out at 12pm sharp cuz we are not able to extend the hours. no choice lo, i cant leave comfortly. headed to the patong beach to suntan finally had a chance to go there. rented a chair for 100 baht each. along the beach there were so many people walking around selling different and funny things. we had the aloe vera applied on our skins and the mak mak dint lied i really dint had sunburn. wanted to play the parasailing and jet ski but we had not enough thai baht again. we didnt played in the end, it was rather expensive seriously. so just relax on the beach and enjoy the scenary and sunbathing. after which we had our last lunch and went for facial massage session. here we go back to hotel bathed and to the airport. on the way back i cried cuz i felt i will be back to reality to somewhere everybody knew us and i cant be with him every seconds. those memories were so precious to me. had our really last meal burger king. and byebye phuket. he carried my bag all the way and back to sg he sent me home.

everything was so sweeeeeeeet. i really love him ttm. thanks baby for the wonderful trip. i cant tell you guys how much i treasure him and every opportunity to be with him. im the one who take him for granted first. well salvaging in process.

tonight i gonna make a wish upon the red moon. i gonna tuned my alarm clock to 3am. i wish i wish i wish i can grow old with him. yes its a unrealistic one. already say its a wish ma.

its a torture i cant get good sleep everyday!

2011-06-09T17:11:00.003+08:00

i want a room by myself!
i feel so frustrated to be awake by slight noise super irritating when i wana sleep longer even is weekends. i want peace and quiet!!
had a long day at work, i cant have peaceful sleep.
this few nights are rather hot, like last night in the middle of night i went to bathe with cold water.
and i caught a bad cold now. damn!
gonna cough out my lung too.
oxygen couldnt send properly to the brain and think properly, cant work.

i was shocked by the call feifei called, when i was writing email halfway through. i thought he dreaming and call me. even he called cuz he was curious, whats the urgency of last afternoon. i hope he do that often, i had a peace talk with him hes listening to me.

well, well i hope its improve.

i wants to be dote!

=)

2011-06-08T00:58:00.001+08:00

真的爱情不需要保证。

我的胸口很闷，很难呼吸。
can't sleep man, could feel it's racing inside me. arghz.

my "heart" hurts

2011-06-06T22:11:00.001+08:00

i went kk to see doctor this morning. wasnt feeling well my chest super hurts and i could feel the veins pulling behind from my back. dono how to explain man.

i had another packet medicine to eat, for relax muscle and protein for heart.
i angry bird too much and too much heart restrained.
nothing serious same old problem. i had a heart scan. seriously hated that when they doing the scan is rather painful. the pressed so hard on the chest lo!! arghz. and you felt paiseh cuz quite a few people surrounded by you.
the doctor suggested to go for another by-pass.
whats the point of doing the same thing and its not gurantee 100% not as if that i gonna die this moment
well im doing good, all these years wor. how i wish i had a normal heart.
the older its get health deteriorate, sometimes when im at some aircon condition place could feel my heart trembling.
this morning felt very sharp pain and i cried like im gonna had a heart attack. muscle were too tense ba.

health is wealth really.
i'll take good care of myself.
i lead my life to the fullest =)

cool my mood is as cool too

2011-06-04T10:18:00.003+08:00

its raining, the weather is cosy till im fantasizing im sleeping away now.. but working now.

nothing to look forward, so stagnant and stale.
recently my life is so boring.
expectations for myself is increasing.
i so afraid to get old.
the older you get, the lonelier you are.
travelling myself seems cool, can i?
its another boring weekend.
i just missed the old me and i had lost myself.
who am i today, i changed without me realising.

=) i am happy, i will be happy. i love myself. and im stronger each time.
im happy and im pretty. wahahaha sick!

what's up tonight?

2011-06-01T00:50:00.001+08:00

I had been leading happily.
we didn't quarrelled recently but we didn't met up after came back from Phuket.
I am crying, feeling the pinch in my heart the thought of letting go or if he seeing someone else.
what did I do wrong, I had been suffering suffocating myself for god sake 2years! isn't I gave up at the beginning but why am I the one who wants to hold on to now? he's the one who hold on to first. didn't he remembered I told him, I don't want to get hurt again if he meant to play around.
I yearn for some comfort not from friends but him. emphasize not temporary one but long term.
I won't cry on the phone, he feels annoyed.
I seize every opportunity that I can see him. I dono when will be the last and who will come into our lives. i miss him.
I am hurt. if I can foresee the future.
everybody could tell me to leave, who will actually be in my shoes till you experienced it yourself. so don said you won't cuz it has never happen to you before.
each time he put me down, I'm stronger.
I am much more better than he thought of me.
no doubt fei is good to me, I love him though.
gonna sleep, tmr sure have puffy eyes. doing eye mask in process.

good night to him. ;)

I MISS YOU

2011-05-31T17:10:00.000+08:00

I <3 my girls.

2011-05-30T23:29:00.000+08:00

happy sweet "16" birthday my precious Liyi! how time flies when I got to know them since 13. 10years passed, many more 10years to come. =) we never failed to celebrate each other birthday for 10years.

wahaha I'm so excited about the arrival of god baby! hehe. my dear JJ jia you wor!

on a side note, to him.
I trust you. i can forgive someone easily, but not forget the words said, damage and hurt done. that statement commented was deeply poke through my heart ever since, can never forget nvm.:) my heart ache. he is working hard everyday, I'm not allow to be by his side. misses.

why i always got so many kan tao every weekend?

2011-05-29T23:59:00.000+08:00

i can seriously tell you when you really need someone to go out you cant find one?
i would always like to be cover myself with plans on weekends, cuz i am lonely.
yes i am very lonely, though there is always friend accompany yet im still alone.
i am very glad, i always got many friends.
i dont want to let my thoughts run wild at home. i don like!
too many friends = kang tao many many = BROKE too. wahaha
let me tell people if you think im making use of you or what NO! im NOT, i cant simply meet everybody right? i treasured and valued every single of my friends.
understand me before you comment on me =)

compare to someone else, i am really useless and nothing. im really a bimbo!
dont judge a person by its cover, its true though is ugly but inside is rich.
i got nothing good inside me. well im thinking of taking human resource course which i had though it recently i dint mention.

miss miss miss miss! =(

reminisce i was once a happy little girl

2011-05-28T12:34:00.005+08:00

the present- i am suspose to walk out alone.

the past- i was hold onto no matter what

thats the difference.

beauty

2011-05-25T00:24:00.001+08:00

wahaha I think I'm prettier recently after I came back. =X hehe. weird weird some people commented I slim down but seriously I didn't. just now I look into the mirror I just thought lucky I got a pleasant features. and luckily I had not been lazy I rescue my face. I cleanse my face with scrub and wash it again with daily cleanser then do mud mask. follow by once in awhile those one piece mask. I think I got nice eyes but still think it wasn't big enough. I'm doing my eye mask now.

well the fat part was, I had been always eating good food how can I slimmed down. I can't resist food. I got no breath to run man and I only can rely on slimming products. thinking of going cardio classes and signing some slimming programme at beauty salon. o man I really can't exercise much. like today I could felt siting down one side of the vein in heart is pulling till it's hurt so much. I scare I kana stroke, no joke with my heart condition like that. must buck up to lose some weight. kambate!

plus in the office always angry bird alot xiao ren lo! awhile is the LCB awhile is customer. like that day i was sp angry till im having migraine. everyday I go work I smile and tell myself 忍till I can't I will just BOMB and fuck her then bye-bye to them! LOL

aiyo my heart still hurts man now, isit the weather also? I can't sleep today it's beat so fast man.

I MISS HIM!

疼。

2011-05-24T01:02:00.001+08:00

我很不开心，这句话是我永远的伤口。一个拥抱就够了可以吗？我只怪自己笨没读好书。我想你。
心＂不同不同的跳＂是因为痛死了。

trust. today is 21st =)

2011-05-21T09:17:00.006+08:00

how many bday, wedding dinner were there always?

he went drinking again at geylang last night. everytime i thought of geylang, reminds me of ah xue. recently he had been visiting there often, isit he met someone like ah xue? thats why he patronize there. i remembered the 1st time he told me, that place geylang is a uncle drinking place no ladies de, very good ambiance cuz he watched election there. how far can i believe his words when he said it to me first. i wished his words can be very trustable again, like i just get to knew him.
i text him at 5am whether hes back, no respond. either he sleeping or out at some hotel =X most prolly is the 1st one la. hard to say.
i dont wana know whos he in contact with, i bet he does cuz he set password in his phone. he said he don wan anybody to easily access. he got something to hide? now i don even wana see his phone, he dont know?
hmmm i really cant be bother like i used to, cuz i dont want to be disappointed. i don care.

i cant tolerate my man to go drinking like when i was ab. its a phobia seriously. i scare, i don wan him to drink and get close with any ladies which i cant see and knew about. and then all the colleagues and even friends came telling me. he was with bla bla bla. my previous relationship make me cant trust a person anymore. so sad right. then if ever i gonna walk into another relationship i also cant put my 100% trust. i knew trust is very important to maintain a relationship.

i wont said i wana give up till i do it.
action will speaks.
i will be a free girl soon, no heavy heart and feeling restrained all the times.

it depends... hope i will see him later. (= well i love him though.

I love all my friends =]

2011-05-19T01:37:00.001+08:00

was great to meet up with the guys. though very long never catch up, everything were the same. =) thanks they made my day despite having a really angry bird day today. going out with them
won't starve to death, we were always eating good food.

on top of that I love my girls alot too, thanks my dears for being there and ya concern! too many to be mention. 谢谢姊妹们！I am loved <3

I shall treat myself as mistress ba, in that case I'm happier.
I'm worried about his health. prayed hard that nothing is wrong.
I don't want him to spend money on me, this isn't what I want.
I hope he can understand me more.

how do you feel in the process of being woo? irritating, proud to be woo, sweet and happy? rekindle feeling

I saw this SK diamond ring nice! I wana get it for myself, should I? isit silly funny to get a ring for myself?

alright shall turn in, 1 plus. good night everyone and my dear feifei.

HYPOCRITE! angry bird~

2011-05-18T15:39:00.005+08:00

freaking pissed till im having headache now!!!!!!
knnbccb! fuck you. hope you kana breast cancer and cervical cancer!
dont eat vegetarian, for what your mouth so mean and your heart is evil and black.
im really pissed man, till my heart hurts and headache.
even the Clarence knew when he saw my face so black. damn you!
im keeping quiet the whole day since morning doesnt mean im a sick cat.
you know a silent killer, yes i am?
stop being hypocrite now, don act close and talk to me when you scare i'll leave here.
when everybody is around you show your attitude and reprimand me.
fuck you its not my freaking fault when ya not doing this don act you know and correct me in front of ppl. don know anything please SHUT UP.
this is my 1st time loosing such BIG TEMPER when you cant sense my tone wasnt right talking to you. please don act now, come in front tell me im having water retention. tell me take good care, said later i got heart attack when playing.
before i go phuket you tell me, im not worry of tsunami? after i come back, you i asked i never see ghost there? damn you la!
HYPOCRISY

i think i really will go back to consider seriously whether to stay here not.
i got so much work cannot finished everyday and even lunch i got to help them buy too.
I WANT TO BE A BUMMER, DONT WANA WORK!

when i tell him about my anger at work, he will say my character got problems why he cant hear and understand what i tell him before he comment.

lucky i got blog i really wana vent all my anger. ice cream please. =(

arghz my cramps suck big time this month!

PMS-ING =( =( =( =( =( =( =(

2011-05-16T13:19:00.005+08:00

its was mood swing again today. symptoms the week before menses visit me.
i got horrible mood swings, i hate it.
i am so emotional lor but i dont want to be like that im controlling.
i can be very unreasonable.
today time kinda fast, probably im busy. i very li hai still able to blog.

just now was siting at void deck after lunch. this ah bu nei nei keep looking at me, he is always there every other day when i go there after lunch. today when i sat down, he shifted to another table closer to me keep looking me. i find that still normal so i don really bother, the irritating part is he keep looking at me. when i was smiling and laughing to my phone cuz i was chatting with my friends, i looked up he was looking at me again and smiling at me. he thought i was smiling at him lor. ER XIN. pui! then i find something not right, i decided to go back office. i stand up, i saw him signaling and shoot his head to me showing the lets go sign! SIAO lor. for that moment i stare at him fiercely. he followed me all the way to my office but he didnt there to walk to the carpark. lucky my boss and salesman siting outside, i asked my boss is he following me. my boss told me if he dare to come in, he died. wahaha i always so sway, everytime got people disturbed me. =( i dont find it wrong to wear lesser with this kinda freaking weather. if i would tell feifei this incident, he will said sarcastically serve me right. cuz i always like to wear low-cut dresses. fei dislike me to wear those low-cut dress.

having him or not doesn't make a difference.
he said my change wasn't enough still.

how i wish i can bum on the beach everyday with sunny weather!

我变了。我更勇敢。

2011-05-15T04:52:00.001+08:00

在路途去机场的时候，我哭了。对我来说一切都会打回原形，我告诉自己顺及自然吧。我要的不是短暂的快乐。我也不会在他面前落泪。

干才他说去大马吃饭，我说晚点在打给他吧。可是当我发sms他没回复。我就打给他过了一个小时，我问他既然他是去按摩！当时，我就想问他更多。明明我们每天都在泰国按摩，为什么还去，还有早早他并没和我说。当我问他多少钱，他想了那么旧才说。I really feel disgusted if he really called for extra service. to a extend I may be drinking out there but I got my limit I don get lay around. maybe I think too much. but I'm really angry. even my friends do that I also can't accept. please away from me I don't want to get transmitted disease, if you visit a prostitution before.

I no longer will cry over this kinda matter, cuz I care less and can't be bother. 他已经失去我了。he don't understand me but I start to figure and understand him already.

I really missed those beach life with ab. he will be the one bumming at the beach with me. I love the beach, he loved as much too. everything was so simple. he told me he always wanted to be a beach boy when hes wooing me. the choker the bands, we wear together. it's so hard to find someone that complements you. beach bummer I would like to be.

the Mabel wasn't the same anymore.

sweet escape

2011-05-14T11:08:00.003+08:00

everything was our 1st time. i had enjoyed.
thanks fat baby <3
as much i wana write more in detail. i shall write when im free.
baby was sweet though.

I start to ponder

2011-05-05T00:32:00.001+08:00

met up with my dear Liyi and stupid babi.
nothing special just dinner and desserts. =) she can be annoying sometimes cuz she is loud but yeah shes my besties I love her jambel and all. well I must says I love all my friends!

I start to wonder... what is the outcome? if I predicted something bad or good.
I'm afraid, I don't know what I want at the moment? can somebody enlighten me? do I really love him that much? this is what I called immune and numb. not angry, sad, happy. very neutral feeling.
or I fall for someone else? I can't be bother to ask whether bla bla contacts him or bla bla bla. his value in my heart is depreciating each day.

that day somebody asked, your bf le the 瘦瘦de? I replied him huh? broke up two years ago. and he was like shocked! sometime when some very long lost friends pop out sort of this kinda qns, I still feel a little pinch in my heart.

well. when I had a Change of heart even you give the stars I'll still follow my heart.

o I'm having insonia for a few nights can't sleep. sick. and he is sick too. we are so sway!

drink

2011-05-03T22:47:00.003+08:00

no more alcohol and ciggys for me this month, too unhealthy. im sick.
last Friday ice edge cafe, heartland mall, club Luix drink
last Saturday hg mall lunch with mum, shopping at bugis, plush bar and jab1 drink.
im seriously angry with HER why after so many years your still the same?
you brought me to drink since we was 16, now we're 24. utter disappointment.
at first I thought nvm you needed company to finished the bottle of martell cuz plush bar was operating the last day. so I agreed neither I know that jonden would appear. still acceptable cuz I knew him.
plush bar wasn't the first time I visited years back I went there a few times with ahber Kenny Jennie.
as usual will see alot of acquaintances she used to know in this kinda entertainment places.
so we finished up that bottle and she said not enough?!? what the hell, she is the one that says go back early.
nvm so I told them Im gonna follow them BUT I'm not drinking cuz they drink beer, I hate it. and I'm pretty tired. so I thought ok la just go ba, cuz I scare she PATTERN again. since come out together must go back together ma.
neither we know we saw jonden friends at jab1. Bryan Andy and Ruben. so we shared the same table. maybe you guys don't know I really get uncomfortable with guys I dont know and drink together.
they are around my age, not bad looking and They really 斯文败类! please freak off, so what your rich. especially this Ruben talk as if like SOMEONE he said 一只酒算什么？ he speak and behave really me of someone.
that night I was super irritated when I wana go home but I can't cuz I'm worry about and don't wana leave her alone with those guys.
anyway I can't be bother when they talked to me and they suggested playing game, I think ok la. playing game can finished those drink faster.
she was tipsy already though she can drink alot. I know if her drinking pattern only I can tolerate her nonsense and siao ness I really hate it the way she behave when she drink especially with guys.
someones mummy and wife le,
disappointed.
after so long you still the same old.

one thing that pissed me everytime is I'm always the one sending drunkards back. theres a limit to drink and behave appropriately. when you know you can't drink le.

shag and bored now. i love myself and my life now!

2011-04-30T10:13:00.003+08:00

im damn shag drank till 3plus am and turn in at 4am. talk to baby for a min i guess?
wanted to talk more about the trip about what edwin told me cuz he went there twice but its late.
drink drank drunk?! i wont get myself drunk la!
i know how to protect myself wont let people to get near me and prevent others of letting me to get me drink more!!
i know the next day got to work, so i drank a few cups of martell with many toasts and cheers with different people. haha im those gei siao kinda one cup martell can drink 1 hour, every cheers i drink one sip only de. siao all the people passby i need to cheers there and finished all one shot, will die! then people will start to say not steady must finish all as for me i wont "GEK TIAO" i'll ignore and smile, cannot la. =) if not you really wana bottom up i pour green tea lo *secretly. wahaah yes thats me. seriously i don really like the taste of alcohol, why my friends and the men like to spend money on alcohol, drink, drank, drunk and MERLION. siao this is call entertainment?! torturing ba! vomit all your money out.
anw i love the crowd there all, friendly people maybe go there quite a few times le ba. no xiao hun huns and bitches.
once a month to these places for leisure still ok, not too much of alcohol and just relax.

i really wana laugh at my salesman raymond he went for the workers party speech. he will go watch all the speech support all the way tonight bedok stadium he on standy. office people keep talking about the election. and my boss watching youtube everyday for the speech. wahaha he said the governments wont offend people this period of time, wont be fines and summons.

haha last night at kovan i bought one jeans shorts and one tube. hee. swee.
so tempted to buy the bras but kinda ex le. but its good supports should i? i very funny she de buy clothes all this but bu she de buy bras.
btw im a B cup rather a C le. become smaller weird.
i shall not said i slim down cuz i dont think so at all. but some people did said i slimmed down abit maybe is the clothes i wore. 3kg cannot see i slimmed de la.
i will get a little beach wear? hee and a sunnies and a pair of chio slippers.

i shall not force myself and anybody. i am happy for what im doing now =)
i am independent more. im not a weakling!
i wana thanks god that he gave me so many friends that when i need them they are around.
im sorry that im not able to meet all everytime whom some im neglected. if your reading.
yes at times i need someone to be with me a partner, to be there pamper me but he cant.
kinda disappointed though nvm =)
i miss him still

Phuket here We come (=

2011-04-29T00:27:00.001+08:00

thanks my fat baby. <3 a unexpected trip.
confirmed for air tickets except hotel we still indecisive, don mind paying for a good hotel. one thing is there too many hotels resorts. out of it I just wana relax.
tmr gonna apply leave. I will be away 08-12 may.
500 Sgd enough to spend for both 5 days 4 nights?
o man will be working 4 days for next week and here I go long weekend again.

these few nights I cant sleep early I dono why. and usually I'll just take a nap when reach home and wake up at 9pm, nowadays I don even feel tired didnt nap but for at least I had good sleep throughout didnt wake up.

alright though I'm still very awake but I wana rest early.
tmr is Friday. so fast and scary.

2011-04-27T00:51:00.001+08:00

nothing today I really dying to get out of sgp. baby suggested to go koh samui dint know it's sucha beautiful place!
didnt talk to him tonight he was tired, maybe tmr I confirm with him. I jus wana relax and get out of the busy city to some beautiful beach relax.

work is as usual I'm complaining.

my dearest Jj and god bb Jia You! =)

good night all!

any ideas for my getaway?

2011-04-26T01:10:00.001+08:00

o man! I just woke up from my beauty sleep, can I go back to sleep. 1am soon.
baby agreed to go for a getaway with me without any persuasion! loves <3
any ideas where to go? a short trip redang, malacca, bintan, batam, cameron highlands, or BKK, TW? redang is always somewhere I wana go.

it's not as strong anymore.

2011-04-25T16:17:00.002+08:00

start to feel so sick of this person. why? hatred.
i am very tired today. oo im going home now to zzzz.
i will be away soooooooooon for a short trip. haha i haven book but i definitely go in May!!
shopping or somewhere relax? i think enough of shopping.
holiday alone, or with a acquittance . does it make a different. =)

i lead my own life!

we are not idiot

2011-04-21T17:09:00.002+08:00

man dont think you lie or cheat on us we dont know.
we pretend and choose not to know cuz we dont want to quarrel.
having a very strong sense that someone lied is not we imaginative, often our sense is correct.
why they will scold us crazy think too much, they are guilty?
why must you people get angry over little small things?
no woman can take it that their man go drinking often, no one can tolerate her man go out with a lady alone. nobody like their man to always chat with other ladies.
hmm now to a extend i can take all this nonsense le.
tolerate. sucked your thumb.

i miss you my dear baby!

rants pms-ing don not disturb mense visiting soon

2011-04-20T13:02:00.004+08:00

its a bad day. ladies tends to get irritated easily during PMS. super pu huay at work.
well i dint do much work today. cuz im pei cek over one irritating customer.
please spare me if i provoke you if you wasnt so irritating i would had being nice.
talking about work im super angry cuz they break my drawer FUCK! i told bao then she said wah you still can tolerate ar? i told her i pretend nothing happened lo.
i think everyone in office knew im in fucking bad mood cuz i throw temper and attitude to everybody. i dont give a fucking damn! cuz you people are not my friends or love ones.

im very grouchy today and i bought a bar of chocolate to pamper myself.
i need ice-cream! butter scotch favour can plssss. ice cream or desserts buffet!
i knew someone will never disappoint me but i feel so bad.

im really glad that i had people that always stood by me. thanks girls!

i feel so warmth talking to you. if those were the days.
thanks cuz you still remembered. (=

finally i bear through wednesday, thursday one more to goooo. i want to rest!
definitely i hasnt been meeting baby for a long time.
I MISS YOU!

you might not know all the people im refering to.

fruitful weekend

2011-04-18T23:55:00.002+08:00

I had well spent my weekend helping bobo with Pets Bond. we are four super women. we can be the painters, house movers, carpenters and cleaners. everything were done by us, no man help except loading the stuffs. on top of that, in a way it's a free slimming program we sweat like hell. everyone of exert too much energy, having body muscle ache every where. though quite tiring but kinda 有满足感. if anybody need pets grooming services enquiries please contact bobo 97392262. located at blk 21 ghim moh rd #01-157 s(270021)

March was bad, April is good so far (=

2011-04-16T11:22:00.003+08:00

all my sentences no link one, random.

i envy someone. why i wasnt the one. the world is so unfair. its so hard to find someone that compliment you.
i need a holiday badly, this time i wana take a plane~
a holiday with fruitful shopping or LV neverfull? hee.
will be a going for a short trip on mid June, somewhere relax. it is confirmed definitely going just that the location is still not decided but its still like 2 months ahead.
i need one now!!! i dono why i just wana relax.
hasnt been going for my manicure sessions since February last done. i wana paint my nails but i cant wana let the nails rest! haha cuz its getting unhealthy turn yellowish. so ugly now the toes nail.
nowadays i feel taking public transport is a pain. even a cab! freak.
i don mind a bf who drive WHITE AUDI COUPE, super chio.
thanks for the recent treat to ice cream.

i was damn shocking jus received a call from huan, she said you remembered last night we were making fun about this person pet phrase he passed on le. then i was like freaked out omg! his son called ah boy told him about this shock news! we talking about this person only, he died the next day. we said next time cannot anyhow joke about. gooodness!